Today is my 33rd Birthday. I am 100 years old. I heard Tom Waits say on the radio that when he was young he wanted to be old. My cat just fell off a slippery coffee table. She is getting old. The other cat is already old. He is very wise but not very smart. My sister and brother sent me a frying pan in the mail. It will be awesome. I will make two pancakes at one time. Ratios are old. Like Euclid or Donatello. The one with the triangles and the one with the bo staff, respectively. About me: I am one billion years old. Did you ever read that Dune book, God Emperor of Dune? The one with the sand worm king who lived to be thirty five hundred years old. That's not old. One billion years old is old. Have we been around that long? I don't know. The dinosaurs have all changed into birds. Earlier today we killed off the Neanderthals. Psychosis is one of the oldest professions. When I'm older, I hope to be a professional young person. Like MF Doom says/raps, it's nice to be old. But I guess it's relative. By that I mean some of my relatives are getting old. And some of them are getting young. Can we say that? Is this thing on? Sorry, I'm not good with technology. I need to go eat supper. Goodbye.