Thursday, June 17, 2010

On Sunday I got back from the 12 day meditation course and was feeling a particular kind of cleaned-out-high. Not a high as much as a somewhere-else-outside-of-old-habit mode of being that generally feels good, but not in a sensational way. The course was not as "life-changing" as the last one but this is good in the sense that it wasn't as dramatic coming back and making life style changes, such as morning meditation, shifting priorities from anxious busy work to whatever I feel like, and not eating not much for dinner, because I've already been doing all that.

One thing is for certain though, that after cleaning my system out (in a very particular way...for more details, attend a course) I don't feel much like writing or pursuing any kind of creative endeavor. I don't feel much like smoking, or watching movies, or basketball, or whatever else I do for fun. I don't feel much like teaching but then again, I don't feel much like not teaching. That is to say, it cleans out my anxieties and bile so well I'm really pretty content with whatever comes up: making dinner, sitting in a park, responding to emails, etc.. But not like a vegetable the opposite of a vegetable not clinging to a schedule. One the one hand this is kind of scary in the sense that well, if I'm not doing what I usually do, than I'm not a writer, or artist or whatever. What was the point of all the work I've put into writing over the last ten years if I don't keep it up? On the other hand I'm okay with that. It's a little scary.

Specifically about the course, we spent the first four days focusing our attention and lengthening our attention spans with a meditation called Anapana. We got up at four, worked on and off until nine, totaling ten to eleven hours of sitting a day. Then we switch over to Vipassina mediation for the next five days, that is, in general, a kind of body scanning, where a sitter (like me!) develops the ability to feel sensation on every little part of the body. Once this ability develops all over the body (and really, I didn't get this far until the second time I sat a course), and done *correctly* it opens the doors on cleaning out one's system (amongst other things) through observation in a very specific way that I could not possibly do justice to in an explanation on this blog. On the last day we do Metta meditation which is a kind of love generating meditation which may or may not work because I have the heart of baboon. The end. Back to the day. No picture today.