Monday, December 03, 2007

border="0", is what it says every time I open a window for a new post. I've been deleting it but I wanted to show you, my friend, that it says border= "0" and what this feels like exactly. Do you have the feeling? Good. It's a sunny but kind of a chilly day in Oakland, and I say that knowing that California has made me weak. I no longer understand what cold means. I was working on things I found in my notebook this morning and had posted a couple but then removed them because it didn't feel quite right. Plus, the person who commented anonymously three postings ago kind of freaked me out due to my inability to receive compliments and my trouble with the word 'genius' so instead of rising to that challenge I'll just ramble on to fill the space so that posting gets far away from the first thing as possible. These are the kinds of problems that come up once the empire gets established: maintaining its borders. Of course I could just erase the compliment but that seems unfair. "One confides in what has no concealed creator" writes Wallace Stevens, and that seems like a reasonable policy to me. In other news I had a good if unusual weekend hanging out with two factions of friends, and spending most of Sunday doing absolutely nothing. It was different and feel like I'm in some kind of alternative head space in that it doesn't feel muddled like it usually does on Monday. I'm thinking of eating a can of chili. This is the kind clarity that comes with striking out of the usual. Also, we got a Christmas tree that is still alive I mean growing in a pot. It's nice and small. A fir but I'm not sure what kind of fir. Maybe its a spruce and they lied to us, but I think its a fir. I'm coming to realize that its a good idea to set aside time to do what I want to do, and sticking to that schedule. In the past I've believed myself to be enormously flexible and okay with whatever. Unfortunately this wasn't true at all. Amy compared my lack of plant watering to a boy who got bored with his pet turtle. Charles Schultz is quoted as saying "It took me a long time to become a human being."