this isn't the exact one year anniversary and what is a year anyway but the earth revolving around the sun a couple birthdays a wedding and a christmas party but it is close enough and on a lovely holiday day in july i thought that maybe this was the time to asses the state of this blog through a little free associative meandering forward that is to say writing forward and concentrating about the purpose of why i'm doing this which lately has become a chore in the sense of its been a while since i've posted anything why don't i post something and then remembering that i have other projects that i need to do such as the chapbook i'm putting together in time for the reading at unnameable and preparing for class and feeding the cat and thinking about seeing the transformer movie because the fireworks are supposedly canceled in jack london square but that's unconfirmed as yet and i don't feel like going into the city because this apartment is totally awesome and amy's gone away for the rest of the week and stuff and junk but all this is to say that the blog has at some times become semi serious in the sense of thought out and worked on postings mostly expanding my comfort level in terms of what i'm willing to show but anonymously and sometimes its this tippy tap writing including everything until a good resting point comes or the cat wakes up or whichever comes first but really truly it's something of a project one that goes on and the challenge of keeping it interesting to myself is foremost and i apologize for letting those down who are looking for something but just when those somethings begin to crystallize is when it becomes pointless to keep going they don't need us and maybe the lesson learned is a process and the refusal of abandonment i wish it was enough to say i try but we all know that's not enough we need results to make investments to make it worth it but the ideas keep coming see adam's and erika's and john's and cole's blogs they keep coming a commitment to testimony and new spaces for our memory to inhabit more later